Fuck.
I mean I knew he’d be coming home. He may have completely ignored everyone who loved him for his 27 years here, wrapped up as he as in his own self, but he still has family. Of course he’d come back.
I guess I figured I’d have warning. And that I wouldn’t get the news from one of the bff’s because he called her to hang out.
And I am so very torn. I want to tell her not to see him. I want to employ every method I know to guilt her in to ignoring him, like he’s ignored her for the past six months. To get her to realize he only cares when he needs something...
But my heart breaks when I realize that if she says no his feelings will be hurt. He will feel shunned in the place that is his home, no matter how much he doesn’t want it to be.
And so it goes, one heart will break no matter what.
I’d rather it be mine. For nine years I put his feelings first. Even now, after he’s accused me of never supporting or accepting him, it will be no different.
I can’t stand to see him hurt, even if his disregard for my feelings allows him to feel ok reaching out to one of my bff’s, even if that kills me, I won’t do the same.
But some days I wish I could...
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Agh, posting problems.
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up on your blog, and this post struck me. I've said before that you are a better person than I am. If it had been me, I know I would have resented the get together. I would have resented the ex for even calling. I know that for a fact, actually.
But not you. You recognized that stopping a get-together would cause him pain. You chose the action that would bring less pain on a grander scale, despite the fact that you were probably already hurt by the idea of the phone call and get together.
That is a commendable act, I think.
Be proud of yourself.
I guess I could say something kinda jerky here, but I'm going to follow your example and abstain.
Thanks Kris :) I am no better or worse than you, we are merely different! You for one, give absolutely fabulous life advice when I'm throwing a full blown temper tantrum on your back patio. I think I love Andy even more for picking you :).
ReplyDeleteYou are a better person than I, as already stated above by Kristen. I would be FUMING. Like in the cartoons. With a red face and smoke pouring out of my ears.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, exes should have the good grace to pack up their things and move far far away. Like maybe Australia. Or New Zealand. For as long as it takes for me to be 110% completely over them.
Okay that's selfish, but still a greedy little fantasy of mine...