Summer of Lovingkindness

Mahala Mazerov, who writes the beautiful blog Luminous Heart, has proposed a summer exercise called the Summer of Lovingkindness Invitational. A way to get us Buddhist (and not so Buddhist) bloggers (tweeters, artists, musicians, livers, etc.) to feel the love a little more.

I was the first to sign up.

I need some lovingkindness in my life.

And it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. But then I realized I was committed to writing about it, and when I wasn't feeling it, how could I possibly write about it?

And today I have just felt so hollow, empty. Without love or kindness to the incredible people in my life who offer it to me and even less so to the people who don't, who teach me so many lessons that I have to learn.

I spent the better part of my evening with friends, sitting pool side in the 95 degree weather, just wanting to feel "right" and not being able to find it.

I came home and sat, thinking a maitri practice might help me cultivate the bits that I knew were buried in my heart. And I couldn't, it didn't feel right, the ex was in the wrong place, now in the spot of someone who caused me harm, and the people I feel the most love for were not lighting that spark that causes such warmness in my heart. And then his face came to me, the sweet boy who I so adore who I have not seen in a year. He is the son of the ex's cousin. I carry his photo around in my day planner because I miss him so.

And my heart exploded. The amount of love that I felt is enough to carry me through the next week, which will be tough, having his energy once again in my space. I feel it already and I don't even think he has landed.

And when I finished my sit I saw a very sweet tweet from Mahala wishing me lovingkindness and a facebook note from the ex's cousin saying this: G told me yesterday that he misses you... He just adores you and hopes that he can see you sometime : ).


And my heart (and eyes) became so full they spilled over.