Begin Again.. and Again.. and Again...

Last week in yoga class during savasnaya it hit me how far I have gotten away from my practice... hard. 

It has been a busy few months, spending as many nights in strange hotel rooms as I do in my own familar bed, the new job, which has as many triumphs as it does challenges, a new home, a new roommate who is a dear old friend, and trying to find a way to balance that with finding enough time for my love and the friends who bring so much joy.  I've found my practice falling by the side at a time when I need it the most.

I find myself getting agitated about things that I used to let go, clinging to my perceptions of how life should be, instead of relaxing in to how it is.  Cranky and short tempered and not present.  I don't like it, but I am trying to hold myself in a place of non judgement, while taking the steps to get back to where I was.

So last week, while snowed in in my hotel, I found the time to sit, and it was so unbelievably uncomfortable.  Every place my thoughts wandered was full of criticism, full of longing, full of pain.

And I know it will get easier, as before.  Sitting, and practicing through out my day, will become what it used to be, a way of life, and not something I need to be reminded of.

But I can't help feeling like I've let myself, and the people who loved the peaceful and kind spirit that I miss so much, down.

But I suppose it is a process and one that I will re-start as many times as needed. 

So here is to another start.

With metta.